he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
