One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
