I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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