I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
