Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
