A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
