P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
