see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
