Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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