i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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