Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize