thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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