my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
