Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
