4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
only you would photoshop your dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
