How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
