I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize