We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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