sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
