Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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