I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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