Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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