I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
