what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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