Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no, he came in my armpit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize