dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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