so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize