absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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