T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
