I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
