I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
