I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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