Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
