We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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