Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
