She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have demons in me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
In America we eat man semen.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
