Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
