omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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