You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
