Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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