We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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