Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
