Ambien. No doubt about it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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