I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
