Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
