So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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