Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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