Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
