update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i now understand why vodka
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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