Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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