seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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