Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
