Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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