and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
