I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
