i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
