The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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