This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
