I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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