can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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