Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
