I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
