i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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