i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
