found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
