is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
