take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
